I have a lot to say today.

And not a lot at the same time.
I'm quite upset, but I have a paper to finish.
BULLET POINTS to I dont forget. Haha.
I wanted to fast today, but thats not going to be possible.
The cute guy I work with is deff NOT going to work out with me. Hah.
The new girlfriend and Prom.
I have a lot of work to do.
Hurt.

More later, as always.
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Done with paper, but I have to get ready for class soon.

There's this cute guy I work with, and I was kinda hesitant because I thought he might be gay, lol. [He isnt] He's very nice, btu today he said something that made me sure things would NEVER work out. He said, "I love my country, and Fox news."
Fuck that. Haha. And he said that men weren't meant to be gay, and when they drink they revert to their natural state and like women.
Nope.

I wanted to fast today, and I had it all planned, out, but It's not going to be possible because, A) My favorite soup is there today [It's low cal and spicy and delicious. It's basically cabbage soup. Hah] and B) I signed up for a vegetarian cooking class tonight. So much for fasting. Oh well.
BUT. This means I'm goign to have to purge tonight, and I'm a bit hesitant after last time... Oh well. It needs to be done. Especially since I'll have NO IDEA about the cals in everything. I just don't have enough time.
Also, this morning a guy I didn't know started debate with me on atheism. Sigh.

That bitch is coming to my prom. She's also staying with her bf/my ex in his room all weekend.
Gross. Ick. Blahhhhhh
I'm gonna claw her fucking eyes out I swear.

I'm just really upset with her in general. I mean, we used to be BEST FRIENDS. At least I thought so. We have known each other since 2nd grade. Both of our parents are divorced, and we both self harm, went through bad breakups, and went through anorexia/bulimia.

Like, we would be at a party and guard the bathroom door for each other while the other one purged.
And we'd "go out to eat" and just sit there with our diet cokes and talk about how many calories everything had.

I dont know. I'm just upset.
She told my then boyfriend/now ex that I just wanted to go vegan so I'd have an excuse to eat less.
True, but besides the point.

She also told him that I wanted to be 130 lbs, which was less than her [She's pretty tall].
Wrong, I want to be even less than that. I want to be 130 by JUNE. [146.0 this morning, btw]
She said I could never weigh that less, and it doesnt fit my body type.
Well, fuck you. I can do it, watch me.

She told him that I was a bitch and he deserved better.
After all the shit he put me through, REALLY? Fuck.

So.
She will be here not this friday, but next.
138 by then?
Mhmmm.
I BETTER be.
I want her to be jealous. I want HER to be that fat one.

I have more to say, but I have to go now. More later.
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10:50

Ate way to much. Purged. I didnt see any blood, but I thought I might have tasted a little at first. It was probably just paranoia though. I did gray out a bit, but it passes quickly.

Took a nap.
Woke Up ridiculously thirsty. Drank a low cal gatorade.

I haven't weighted myself because my roommate has been in the room, but she isnt anymore so I might go do that.

I have so much to get done.
I want to be 138 by the time that bitch gets here.
8 lbs in two weeks.
I think Know I can do it.

I forgot I have an archaeology test tomorrow.
My laptop won't connect to the internet.

My ex got his haircut.
It looks dumb.

But it also looks like how his hair was when I first met/fell in love with him.

I shouldnt still hurt so much. It was months ago.
I shouldnt.

I'm done being the hurt one.
I'm sick of it.
Never again.