Bad Day. Too much thinking. Too much hurt.

It's been a reasonable amount of time. Why do I still hurt? I'm stronger than this. I should be stronger than this.
What is he to me? I don't care. He's nothing. The dirt I spit on.
He's with my best friend? Whatever. She was always a bitch and he was always a needy little fuck.
I don't care.

So why do I hurt? It just hurts so much. I should be over this. I should be stronger.
I hurt so bad. It's like he tore out my heart and ate it.
He ate my heart. He a-a-ate my heart. He ate my heart. He a-a-ate my hearrrt out. [Hah]

I shouldn't care! Maybe it hurts so much because I still love him. I say I don't. I say I would never take him back.
But would I?
I think I would. Why? Because I  DO still love him.
It just hurts soo much.

I want to be alone. I want to disappear. I want to be ignored and invisible. I HATE it when people look at me.

I haven't really talked about this. It hurts to much to remember. It hurts to think about it. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. Except I almost never cry [out of sadness or depression. I cry all the time about everything else].
No one was there. We broke up. It was quiet. Nothing on facebook or anything. Quiet.
I was alone. So alone. No one asked me how I was doing. No one was there to hold me while I cried. No one was there to listen to me.

I put it aside. I acted strong. I faked it. I pretended. I didn't talk about it. And not many people asked.
No one cared. Together for four years? Nahhh. It's nothing. With the best friend? whatever.

He meant everything to me. EVERYTHING. He saved me from my ED several times. He saved me from suicide several times. He helped me get my grades back up. He taught me that I was beautiful, that I deserved to be loved.
Now what? Now I'm nothing. The last four years never happened to him. He doesn't look at me. We don't talk.
I have nothing. I am nothing.
I just want to disappear.

But god, this shouldn't still hurt this much.


Edit: He invited her to our prom.
KFJH:IHF:BHLGJFWEYUIH:LASJDJK:FBHVCV
FUCK.
BITCHCUNTASSWHOREBITCHFUCKINGSLUTCUNTFACE

If she comes I WILL cut up her face.