Hungry/Boys Boys Boys/Whine.

My room smells like the yummiest noodles in the world, and I have a bag of rice cakes right next to me.
I want them sooooo bad.

I can do this. I can resist.
Strong, empty, perfect.
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I'm going clubbing on friday, so maybe I can get some of my whoreish makeout/grind on.
Thennn... Someones roomie is going home for the weekend, so PARTYIN PARTYIN YEAH.
And hopefull we can get G/Jockomo to come. :D
I WOULD BE SO HAPPY.
AND I WOULD TOTALLY TAP THAT.
But really. It's been too long since I've had any sexual relations [With men. There was that woman I talked about last month].  And I've defffff known this guy long enough to give him a beeje [Blow job]. I totally would, and I want to very much. = ]
I HOPE HE COMES. :DDDD
Also. I just made another two bracelets. Thats 5 total. Another 2 more maybe? Not tonight though.
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Noon.
I'm so hungry. My head hurts. I have cramps. I feel like I'm gonna puke.
I can't eat. I can't do it.
I weighed 145.0 this morning.
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2:45.
My first class sucked. Waste of time, and I hate it so much. Today was one of those days where I just wanted to say "fuck this" and walk out. I wanted to argue with EVERYTHING my teacher said, regardless of whether or not it was true.
I'm cranky.
I'm hungry. After my first class, I pretty much ran out of there because I felt like shit.
So I went down to our dining center and head 2 glasses of chocolate soy milk. 300 cals. On top of the juice I had this morning.
So I havent even eaten and I've had like, 450 [max?] calories.
FUCK.
And my second class was cancelled, so I could have just gone home instead of drinking like a cow.


Oh. And I just go an email saying I didnt get the student manager position I was interviewed for.
If my ex did, and I didnt...
ASS WILL BE KICKED.
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6:41.
I cant decide if I should purge or not. I had another salad for dinner, but I also DRANK a lot of cals today, and had more hummus on my salad than normal. Hm.
I PROBABLY should, actually. Hm. I think I will after I'm done ranting here.

I'm fat and unattractive and no one wants me.
G doesn't want me, of course. He STILL hasn't talked to me. Nothing. I really want to hang out with him this weekend, but I'm really afraid that I'm going to come off as needy. ARGHHHH I hate texting people first. And just texting in general. Why not just talk to me? Fuck.

I'm fat and gross. Fatty fatty gross-o. Ick. Purge. Mhmmm. It's for the best.
Then maybe I can be the pretty girl he deserves.
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7:35.
I didn't purge, like, anything. Nothing would come up. Just acid, which I HATE purging. Ugh.
I can't even do this right.
And I just found out I have a 4 page research paper due tomorrow. Fuck. I should get started.
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9:05.
I want a sandwich.
Fucking paper.
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10:12.
i just had a rice cake. 80 more cals to my already shit day.
I know it sounds pathetic, but i want to cry.
then eat the rest of the bag.
I'm so goddam weak and fat and pathetic and sad.
And mostly weak.
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I need to plan a binge/purge. Monday would work, but tomorrow would be preferable. We'll see, I guess.
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10:30
Fucking binged.
salad: 200
rice cakes (4): 320
with 2 tbs of peanut butter: 190
soy milk: 300
total: approx 1010.

I'm so fucking pissed at myself right now. And that peanut butter sucked balls.

I want to cry.
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11:47.
I literally just cried.
I'm so fucking tired of everything.
I'm just so tired.
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My friend just pushed a 200 cal energy bar on me. 1210.
Fuck this shit.