Friday, April 18, 2014

I'm so cranky all the time.


Sean and I have been fighting a lot again. I don't even really know why he's mad, but he keeps ignoring me and there is nothing I hate more than being ignored. It drives me crazy. 

I'm on edge. Like bad. I shake all the time and I'm always so tired and I always feel either angry or like I'm about to burst into tears. 

I'm working 48 hours a week, 6 days a week, and going to school full time. I have classes three days a week, plus an online class due the next day, plus a group project I have to work on on Friday. 
Good news is that 18 of me credits transferred from my last college, putting me at 50 out of 92 credits for my associates degree. I am on track to graduate next June. 

I hate my job. I'm cranky all the time. I'm significantly less cranky on Monday, but by Friday I'm just a rancid bitch. I hate my job so much. I work with my man and we just argue all the time. I feel like he treats me unfairly, and he thinks I don't follow orders and I am insubordinate. My supervisor is a total asswipe and I can't stand him at all. 

I've been looking for a new job and I have a good lead at a government receptionist job, with lots of internal contacts and a rock solid application and resume. 

I have so much homework. I feel like I'm drowning in it. It's inly week three and I'm already three assignments behind. I'm so tired all the time and I can't focus in anything. We had a test on Wednesday and I could barely see the words. I couldn't focus at all. 

I've been getting in average four hours of sleep a day, and the one day I have off I end up sleeping all day. I started taking adderall this week and it's not really doing anything. I still can't focus, but my tummy feels weird and I'm super fidgety. 

I have a consultation with a therapist in Monday, maybe then I can finally get my shit together. 

It's not fair. This is the year I wa supposed to get all my shit together and it was going to be great. Instead, I can't find any apartments in my price range and interests, I'm still working at this job I hate, my boyfriend and I are still arguing a lot, and I'm constantly exhausted. 

I feel like I'm going to puke. 

I want to go sit somewhere and cry. 

I feel like everything is being bottled up and just about to explode, and the one personi who can make me feel better and help me and calm me down isn't even talking to me. 

I can't do this. It's not fair. I'm going to pack everything up and move to Australia. 

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Cause I got a cute face and my booty so fat

I tried a raw vegan restaurant today, it was awful. 

I shame ate four doughnuts in my car, it was awesome. 

Then i purged. Purging just gives me so much control, it's... Empowing? I don't know. 

My car has been at the mechanic for the last two months. I needed a new engine. My baby is finally back though ($1200 later). 

Sean and I decided that we can't work together. We just argue the whole time. We're trying to find a place to live together but we haven't had much luck so far. 

I wish I could just get up and move to the cities and start over brand new. 

School is killing me. I've just finished the first week of the new quarter and I'm already drowning in homework. I have class Monday and weds 845 to 1030 am, Tuesday 6'to 1010 pm, and I work Sunday night through Saturday morning 11 pm to 7 am. Plus my online class homework is due Thursday nights, and I have to work on a group project every Friday at 2 pm, right in the middle of my sleep. 

PLUS trying to balance a relationship,and social life (what social life?)

I'm drowning. I'm trying to find a new job because Im quickly starting to hate mine. 

I need to lose hella weight, because I'm heavier now than I have been in years and it's killing me. I just want to be smoking hot is that too much to ask for ??? Plus, with my life spiraling out of my control, I need to be able to control something. I feel like my skin is too tight for my body. There's too much oozing under it and it's like my skin is about to burst.