I got asked on another date today.
WHOA.
When did this all happen? im really confused.
When did people start finding me attractive?
WHY?
Im afraid of getting to know someone and them getting to know me.
I dont want to know about other people's lives very much. I dont ask questions of the other person when im on a date. I dont care enough to.
Honestly.
Im a bitch. Im egotistical, slightly bipolar, and self centered.
I dont care about other people, only me. Gotta watch out for yourself, you know? Like, I only follow a select few blogs. People I see around PT a lot mostly.
But at the same time, I dont care about myself at all.
I dont eat. I purge. I self harm. I have casual sex. I dont respect myself at all.
This all sounds terrible, but its true.
Anyway, my family decided to go to taco johns for dinner.
Great.
I dont know what it is, but I can eat almost all of the fried potato things, but I CANNOT eat all of them.
I cant do it.
I have to leave at least a few. Or I give them to someone else.
And I just kinda nibble on the ones I do eat.
Ive eaten way too much today.
Fasting tomorrow.
Working out tomorrow [maybe]
Im getting high and watching wizard of oz and syncing it with Pink Floyd's The Wall.
Oh yeah. Anyway.
So We were at taco johns and AJ's bi friend came in. He didnt see me or recognize me or something at first, and I racked my brain for his name [I always want to call him Nick, but its Kevin]
So I called out to him and he ended up asking me on a date. Right in front of my whole family.
Mom. 2 sisters. And brother.
No big deal. Just takes a lot of balls I think.
So I gave him my number and we're prolly going to go out on sunday.
Dates.
The date with AJ went okay.
First. Let me help you get this all straight. Now there are 3 men in the picture. Sigh.
Nate. Soon to be manager that I work with. Very VERY sweet and kind and I hang out with him almost everyday. Has his own apartment. I spend the night there most nights, but he thinks I have virtue or something [HA] and doesnt want to push me yet. 20 years old. [I am 18 btw]
AJ is another guy I work with who has never had a girlfriend. Pretty awkward. Went on one date which I have yet to recap. Very shy. 20 years old.
Now there is also Kevin. Don't work with him but he is Aj and his roommate dan's best friend. [At least I know he is dans best friend, I dont know if he is ajs's or not] He is bi, and I was kinda hoping to hook him up with my gay best friend.
Okay. So yesterday night AJ and I went to go see the Hangover 2. It was pretty good I guess.
Aj's hot roommate, Dan, was bringing a date and it was gonna be a double date and whatnot. His date bailed.
So dan was going to go hang out with Kevin. It turned out kevin was already in the theatre with us though, so dan came back.
Aj was really awkward all movie. He did that thing where he kinda just leaves his hand there so we both had our hands within grabbing distance, but no one made a move.
Then he drove me home and that was it. No hand hold. No kiss, No hug. Just awkward. We got a little baked before the movie though, which helped cut down on the awkward a little bit.
So now I have a date with kevin....
Awkward.
I went to nates after the date and stayed there until like, 830 this morning.
He has the best chance as far as a long term relationship goes.
He knows the most about me.
He understands.
he doesnt want to push me. He keeps saying he just wants me to be happy, and he'll wait as long as he needs to.
Im not going to make a decision until mid july.
Done. Haha procrastinationnnnn.
But really. When did all these people decide on liking me and such?
Im annoying.
Im fat. [In my eyes I guess. I suppose most people would put it as my sisters would, "A bit... pudgy."]
I dont care about anyone.
I care about people too much. What they think of me mostly.
Im self centered.
I laugh too much.
"I'm not tan and I never have the score.
I drive too fast, the team picked me last. I break the rules and like it.
My body curves I forget the words...
I spend cash on clothes when I still have bills to pay.
My skin isnt clear... I still have fear im tryin to overcome.
My truths arent right, my jeans are too tight..."
["Flawz" by Caitlin Crosby]
hum hum hum.
I went shopping with my sister today. I bought a dress and a few necklaces and a clutch and a hair bow.
this is the dress I almost bought. I figured I would almost never wear it, so i didnt get it. I took these with my phone so the quality is really crappy!
This is the one I DID get!
Maybe more later? Perhaps.
------
This is a photo from last sunday at the family reunion thing. Me and my brother. Haha Its cute even though my face looks really fat. Haha
WHOA.
When did this all happen? im really confused.
When did people start finding me attractive?
WHY?
Im afraid of getting to know someone and them getting to know me.
I dont want to know about other people's lives very much. I dont ask questions of the other person when im on a date. I dont care enough to.
Honestly.
Im a bitch. Im egotistical, slightly bipolar, and self centered.
I dont care about other people, only me. Gotta watch out for yourself, you know? Like, I only follow a select few blogs. People I see around PT a lot mostly.
But at the same time, I dont care about myself at all.
I dont eat. I purge. I self harm. I have casual sex. I dont respect myself at all.
This all sounds terrible, but its true.
Anyway, my family decided to go to taco johns for dinner.
Great.
I dont know what it is, but I can eat almost all of the fried potato things, but I CANNOT eat all of them.
I cant do it.
I have to leave at least a few. Or I give them to someone else.
And I just kinda nibble on the ones I do eat.
Ive eaten way too much today.
Fasting tomorrow.
Working out tomorrow [maybe]
Im getting high and watching wizard of oz and syncing it with Pink Floyd's The Wall.
Oh yeah. Anyway.
So We were at taco johns and AJ's bi friend came in. He didnt see me or recognize me or something at first, and I racked my brain for his name [I always want to call him Nick, but its Kevin]
So I called out to him and he ended up asking me on a date. Right in front of my whole family.
Mom. 2 sisters. And brother.
No big deal. Just takes a lot of balls I think.
So I gave him my number and we're prolly going to go out on sunday.
Dates.
The date with AJ went okay.
First. Let me help you get this all straight. Now there are 3 men in the picture. Sigh.
Nate. Soon to be manager that I work with. Very VERY sweet and kind and I hang out with him almost everyday. Has his own apartment. I spend the night there most nights, but he thinks I have virtue or something [HA] and doesnt want to push me yet. 20 years old. [I am 18 btw]
AJ is another guy I work with who has never had a girlfriend. Pretty awkward. Went on one date which I have yet to recap. Very shy. 20 years old.
Now there is also Kevin. Don't work with him but he is Aj and his roommate dan's best friend. [At least I know he is dans best friend, I dont know if he is ajs's or not] He is bi, and I was kinda hoping to hook him up with my gay best friend.
Okay. So yesterday night AJ and I went to go see the Hangover 2. It was pretty good I guess.
Aj's hot roommate, Dan, was bringing a date and it was gonna be a double date and whatnot. His date bailed.
So dan was going to go hang out with Kevin. It turned out kevin was already in the theatre with us though, so dan came back.
Aj was really awkward all movie. He did that thing where he kinda just leaves his hand there so we both had our hands within grabbing distance, but no one made a move.
Then he drove me home and that was it. No hand hold. No kiss, No hug. Just awkward. We got a little baked before the movie though, which helped cut down on the awkward a little bit.
So now I have a date with kevin....
Awkward.
I went to nates after the date and stayed there until like, 830 this morning.
He has the best chance as far as a long term relationship goes.
He knows the most about me.
He understands.
he doesnt want to push me. He keeps saying he just wants me to be happy, and he'll wait as long as he needs to.
Im not going to make a decision until mid july.
Done. Haha procrastinationnnnn.
But really. When did all these people decide on liking me and such?
Im annoying.
Im fat. [In my eyes I guess. I suppose most people would put it as my sisters would, "A bit... pudgy."]
I dont care about anyone.
I care about people too much. What they think of me mostly.
Im self centered.
I laugh too much.
"I'm not tan and I never have the score.
I drive too fast, the team picked me last. I break the rules and like it.
My body curves I forget the words...
I spend cash on clothes when I still have bills to pay.
My skin isnt clear... I still have fear im tryin to overcome.
My truths arent right, my jeans are too tight..."
["Flawz" by Caitlin Crosby]
hum hum hum.
I went shopping with my sister today. I bought a dress and a few necklaces and a clutch and a hair bow.
this is the dress I almost bought. I figured I would almost never wear it, so i didnt get it. I took these with my phone so the quality is really crappy!
This is the one I DID get!
Maybe more later? Perhaps.
------
This is a photo from last sunday at the family reunion thing. Me and my brother. Haha Its cute even though my face looks really fat. Haha
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