SPRINGBREAKSPRINGBREAKSPRINGBREAK

FINALLY. I'm skipping my religion class tomorrow. I just want to go home. I want to be alone.
I just feel really depressed. I just want to be alone. I want to sit here in the dark and cry, but there are like, 100 other people in my room right now. Watching a stupid show I hate. ITS NOT FUCKING FUNNY. GO AWAY.
I want to go home. I planned out my suicide in the shower earlier. I'm not going to do it. Calm down. I can't do that to my brother. But if I did [and I would let you know. Calm down.] I know how I would do it.
It was depressing. I can't stop thinking about it. I just want to sleep forever.
I'm so tired. I feel so sad. It's probably just that time in my cycle. I just need a break. I'll be better later.
Whenever I think about suicide a lot, I just tell myself to see how I feel in a week. See if things get better.
I'M GOING TO BE HOME TOMORROW.
FINALLY.
and I feel like a bitch for saying it, but I'm kinda glad Paula isn't coming with us this weekend. I just need time to myself. I need to be alone.

I was just wearing shorts. I feel so fucking huge I want to cry. My weight is at 155, so I shouldn't feel so shitty. I remember this time last month I would have DANCED if I knew I was this weight. Now I'm just depressed.
I just feel  huge. and terrible. and shitty.
I need to be alone and I need to fast. And to run like 4,000 miles.
That might help.

I'm going to be at home from tomorrow afternoon to next sunday. I don't have internet access at home, so I'm not going to be posting very much.  I'll post when I can.