I want to go home.

I want to be alone. I want to sit in the dark all day, like I do over break every time I am home, and all I do all summer.
I want to sit and do stretches all day in the darkness of my living room. I want to go weigh myself every hour. I want to sit in the dark and starve. I want to feel like I'm going to vomit unless I eat something. I want to watch the numbers go down, not up. I want to be alone. I want to have nothing to do and no responsibility. I just want to sit there.

I don't know how I feel about today. I'm just so fucking tired. I woke up at 530 this morning with a headache. I took some asprin at 430 before I took a nap, but I think its coming back.
Most importantly, I HAD THREE MEALS TODAY.
THREE.
FUCKING THREE. Arrrrggggh. I feel so unbelievably gross. I haven't purged today. I'm not even going to list what I ate. I'm up to 158.
158.
I was 149.8 a week ago. FUCK. FUCK ME. FUCK MY LIFE.
FUCKKKK
I just want to throw everything all over. I want to break everything and slam my door. I want to sit at home alone and starve.
My mom is always at work anyway, She's never there. When she is, I make excuses and things to do. I just have so much more self control. Here, everything is made for me. I can have whatever I want in between the hours of 730 AM to 730 PM. And after that, I can run to the store on campus until 12. Fuck.
Oh yeah. and last night? I ate like a whale, and then I had naked juice, baked lays, and soy ice cream.
Fucking Breaded Mushrooms. I hate you so much. I can't stop eating them. UGH. I hate myself so much.

On a lighter note... Eh. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm probably just getting me hopes up needlessly. I might say something about him later. We'll see.

I'm so tired.

My body is all fat. I swear. Like a giant pool of jelly, disgusting, fat. I feel like everyone just stares at my fat. Not me. My fat. Gross. 94% of my body is fat.

I just want to be tiny. I want to disappear. I want to hide. I don't want anyone to look at me.
Tired.