My Story

Awesome! A blog! I can't decide if I feel awesome or like one of those douchebags that are always saying "Check out my blog!"
ANYWAY.
I am 18 and in college. I am taking four classes this semester: Religion, the Philosophy of Love and Sex, Archaeology, and Written Communication.
I have an eating disorder. I am going to describe it as EDNOS [eating disorder not otherwise specified] because I have never been diagnosed, my BMI as of right now is overweight, and I switch between bulimia and anorexia.
I don't remember my history very well. I have bits that I suppose added up over time.
I remember watching a video on eating disorders in my health class. The women didn't horrify me. They captivated me. I didn't think I would ever be that skinny, but I wanted it. I wanted the attention they were getting. I wanted the love everyone around them gave them.
I was an awkward, overweight child [still am]. I was molested at 13. I was terrible in gym class. I always tried my hardest, but I still sucked.
I started cutting late 7th grade. I think that's when my ED first manifested. I skipped lunch a lot, but I don't remember being consciously aware of it, I just realize it when I look back.
In 8th grade, I almost never ate lunch, and I skipped dinner often, too.
Freshman year of high school, I met the love of my life, who encouraged me to love myself; stop cutting and eating normally. We broke up that summer.
Sophomore year I don't remember obsessing over my ED, but I know I wasn't eating very much again. I started cutting again. We got back together at the end of that school year.
Junior year is when I was first aware it was bad. I had a friend who had the same eating habits as I did, and I started purging. We would skip meals together and binge/purge together. Again, the love of my life saved me.
Senior year I was carefree and happy [relatively]. I was set to leave for France in late April of 2010. I weighed myself the week earlier. I was 193 lbs. I was going to be a laughingstock. The typical fat American. I resolved to not worry about it in France because I wanted to have a good time, but afterwards I got obsessive.
I switched from my normal pizza and 2 cookies for lunch to a small salad. By prom, I was 185 lbs, and 178 by graduation. Over the summer I restricted and joined PrettyThin. Purging became a problem for me.
When college started, I was down to 165.
The boy formerly mentioned has broken up with me for the girl previously mentioned, and I am now down to 152 lbs. I eat dinner, which I then purge.
I plan on being 140 by the end of spring break [Feb 28].
I want to be down to 125 by June 1.
My ED is now the worst it has ever been.