I was asked the other day to identify what triggers me.
I dont know. Girls who are skinnier. Thinspo. My clothes not fitting. Looking terrible.
I dont know.
But something has triggered me.
I need to fast. Its not like I've been eating a lot, but its too much all the same.
I'm hungry, but I dont want to eat. I dont want to eat ever again.
But ughh, it hurts. My tummy hurts, my head hurts, my soul hurts. I know eating would make me feel better, but I just dont want to.
The things I would give to be 137 again. I'm down to 173. Gross gross gross. I feel disgusting and ashamed just thinking about that number.
Goals. 165 by halloween, 155 by thanksgiving.
137 137 137. How did I fuck up so bad?
My legs are huge. My calves are massive. My arms are all flabby. I'M all flabby!
My clothes dont fit. I'm too heavy.
too heavy
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