NOT snowing! :D
140.8 this morning.
YESSSS. FINALLY. Still too much to post on PT though. Sorry.
113th hour of fasting right now. A full five days at 7 pm tonight. Woot. Then I'll start counting days instead of hours.
I might go longer than 7 days. It seems ridiculous now. A tiny, MINUSCULE amount of time. 18 days sounds doable. Hum. We'll see.
Jordan said that he's already found two condom wrappers in the garbage.
Gross.
She hasn't even been here 24 hours. And they have shit ALL OVER the dorm. Jordan said he can't even walk.
I've known jordan for 13 years. I've NEVER seen him mad.
This is getting pretty close, and it's really strange to see. So it must be really bugging him.
We're trying to decide if we're gonna tell a staff member that they are breaking rules. Hum.
We'll see.
--------
6:27.
Dinner time. Hah. Riiiight. Gotcha. ;]
I took the bus to Target after class today to go buy some coverup.
It's was just a gorgeous day out today. I wish I brought my camera. 62 degrees F! WOOT! :D
I told everyone that I wasn't going to be back for dinner, and that they could just go without me, that I'd "pick something up" from Target. lol
I did.
A diet Mountain Dew Supernova and some mint chocolate chip dessert gum. Hah. I hate Diet mountain dew. Not gonna lie. But this supernova stuff is pretty good. I saw a thread on PT about it and figured I'd give it a shot. Yum. And the gum is good too. :D
It reminds me of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, where Willy Wonka has a gum he invents that is a full meal. This is for me at least.
I feel really drained and empty right now. Not just from food [well, that too] but just emotionally.
I feel nothing.
It was really strange. I picked up what I needed really quickly, but I still had another 30 minutes to kill, so I just stared and wandered around the food isles the whole time. I bet people thought I was crazy.
I would pick something up, look at the ingredients [to see if they were vegan] and then set it back down. Wander some more. Go back and pick the thing up again [if it was vegan] and look at the calories, then put it back down. Then I spent like, 20 minutes debating what to get for "dinner." I decided on the soda finally.
As awesome and appealing as an 18 day fast sounds, I think I'm going to go for ten. We'll see. It depends on whether or not I can get out of the "breaking the fast" [for the 30 hour famine that starts on saturday. Hah. 30 hours.] on Sunday. It's at 2 PM. Who does that? Maybe I can still be sleeping? lol. Then I still have dinner, and I SHOULD be all like, "oh my god, Im starving, lets go eat." Hummmm. I don't know.
Hopefully I can get out of it. then proceed to 10 days.
Then I will have a bowl of soup after the 10 day mark. [7 PM tuesday].
Then a bowl of soup for lunch on wednesday, with another at dinner.
Then my normal salad.
Hopefully I won't put TOOO much back on. I'm guessing 3 lbs? -crosses fingers-
Hum hum hum. We'll see I guess. [I say that too much.]
I was just going to add something, but I forgot.
Oh.
I might go sandbagging tomorrow.We'll see.
I'm just afraid the strenuous activity will make me pass out. Which would be awkward. Especially if Jordan and my roommate go. I could probably pass it off as being sick though.
Feeling much better today btw.
------
908
Well fuck.
I just found out that we are starting the 30 hour famine TOMORROW morning instead of saturday when I though, so we are finishing it on Saturday instead of Sunday.
Shit. I need a DAMN good excuse to disappear on saturday.
-------
11:18.
MY DRESS STILL DOESNT FIT.
I don't even know why I thought it would. I'm so FUCKING fat. Of COURSE it doesn't fit. FUCK.
Humiliating. I feel so disgusting and repulsive.
Fuck it. I might not even go. Fuck Prom.
Fuck that bitch of a dress.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Fuck my paper, too.
I'm set for not eating until Saturday at 2. Hopefully. Jordan, who is doing the famine with me wants to order sub sandwiches later tonight. I think he forgot that they [and everywhere else] closes in 40 min. HA.
Then I can sleep through anything he might want to dodge around tomorrow.
Then saturday I'm going to go sandbagging at 130, "for extra credit in my religion class." lol. Riiiight. If only.
Then I could say they served us dinner there maybe? Hum.
Sleep through lunch on Sunday. Then there is a band concert at 4, and I have band practice at 630. I think I'll be safe.
I'm shaking. My muscles feel like pudding, at least, what I can feel of them does. I'm tired.
But most of all, I'm disgusted and humiliated and repulsive.
My hips are going to look like hell when those bruises form. Shit. Hope I don't get laid this weekend I guess. Or at least, I hope the guy is too drunk to notice.
I just want to curl up in a ball and just lie there.
140.8 this morning.
YESSSS. FINALLY. Still too much to post on PT though. Sorry.
113th hour of fasting right now. A full five days at 7 pm tonight. Woot. Then I'll start counting days instead of hours.
I might go longer than 7 days. It seems ridiculous now. A tiny, MINUSCULE amount of time. 18 days sounds doable. Hum. We'll see.
Jordan said that he's already found two condom wrappers in the garbage.
Gross.
She hasn't even been here 24 hours. And they have shit ALL OVER the dorm. Jordan said he can't even walk.
I've known jordan for 13 years. I've NEVER seen him mad.
This is getting pretty close, and it's really strange to see. So it must be really bugging him.
We're trying to decide if we're gonna tell a staff member that they are breaking rules. Hum.
We'll see.
--------
6:27.
Dinner time. Hah. Riiiight. Gotcha. ;]
I took the bus to Target after class today to go buy some coverup.
It's was just a gorgeous day out today. I wish I brought my camera. 62 degrees F! WOOT! :D
I told everyone that I wasn't going to be back for dinner, and that they could just go without me, that I'd "pick something up" from Target. lol
I did.
A diet Mountain Dew Supernova and some mint chocolate chip dessert gum. Hah. I hate Diet mountain dew. Not gonna lie. But this supernova stuff is pretty good. I saw a thread on PT about it and figured I'd give it a shot. Yum. And the gum is good too. :D
It reminds me of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, where Willy Wonka has a gum he invents that is a full meal. This is for me at least.
I feel really drained and empty right now. Not just from food [well, that too] but just emotionally.
I feel nothing.
It was really strange. I picked up what I needed really quickly, but I still had another 30 minutes to kill, so I just stared and wandered around the food isles the whole time. I bet people thought I was crazy.
I would pick something up, look at the ingredients [to see if they were vegan] and then set it back down. Wander some more. Go back and pick the thing up again [if it was vegan] and look at the calories, then put it back down. Then I spent like, 20 minutes debating what to get for "dinner." I decided on the soda finally.
As awesome and appealing as an 18 day fast sounds, I think I'm going to go for ten. We'll see. It depends on whether or not I can get out of the "breaking the fast" [for the 30 hour famine that starts on saturday. Hah. 30 hours.] on Sunday. It's at 2 PM. Who does that? Maybe I can still be sleeping? lol. Then I still have dinner, and I SHOULD be all like, "oh my god, Im starving, lets go eat." Hummmm. I don't know.
Hopefully I can get out of it. then proceed to 10 days.
Then I will have a bowl of soup after the 10 day mark. [7 PM tuesday].
Then a bowl of soup for lunch on wednesday, with another at dinner.
Then my normal salad.
Hopefully I won't put TOOO much back on. I'm guessing 3 lbs? -crosses fingers-
Hum hum hum. We'll see I guess. [I say that too much.]
I was just going to add something, but I forgot.
Oh.
I might go sandbagging tomorrow.
I'm just afraid the strenuous activity will make me pass out. Which would be awkward. Especially if Jordan and my roommate go. I could probably pass it off as being sick though.
Feeling much better today btw.
------
908
Well fuck.
I just found out that we are starting the 30 hour famine TOMORROW morning instead of saturday when I though, so we are finishing it on Saturday instead of Sunday.
Shit. I need a DAMN good excuse to disappear on saturday.
-------
11:18.
MY DRESS STILL DOESNT FIT.
I don't even know why I thought it would. I'm so FUCKING fat. Of COURSE it doesn't fit. FUCK.
Humiliating. I feel so disgusting and repulsive.
Fuck it. I might not even go. Fuck Prom.
Fuck that bitch of a dress.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Fuck my paper, too.
I'm set for not eating until Saturday at 2. Hopefully. Jordan, who is doing the famine with me wants to order sub sandwiches later tonight. I think he forgot that they [and everywhere else] closes in 40 min. HA.
Then I can sleep through anything he might want to dodge around tomorrow.
Then saturday I'm going to go sandbagging at 130, "for extra credit in my religion class." lol. Riiiight. If only.
Then I could say they served us dinner there maybe? Hum.
Sleep through lunch on Sunday. Then there is a band concert at 4, and I have band practice at 630. I think I'll be safe.
I'm shaking. My muscles feel like pudding, at least, what I can feel of them does. I'm tired.
But most of all, I'm disgusted and humiliated and repulsive.
My hips are going to look like hell when those bruises form. Shit. Hope I don't get laid this weekend I guess. Or at least, I hope the guy is too drunk to notice.
I just want to curl up in a ball and just lie there.
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