Torn.

So there's a big work scabdal becausd I'm a manager and I'm dating an employee.  I got fed up and applied with my old job at Panera.
I got the job.

Now I'm torn as to whether or not I should take it.

It would be nice to have some extra cash rolling in around christmas. And I still know how to do everything, I'd get promotional raises quick, and I'm starting at almost a dollar more than I was making before.

But. As it is, I already don't have much free time. That means even less sleep, and less tine with my man, EVEN less time for you guys (sad I know) ,and just overall less free time. Things at work have settled down. How long  would I even keep the job? And it would be sooo awkward quitting.

But. How do I tell the hiring manager, who is a friend of mine who is really excited for me to work there, that I dont want the job anymore?

Blargggg.

And I'm getting fat again.

Date nighttt

My date went very well. He bought me a rose and we went to see a movie. then we went to dinner. = ]

He'e been over everyday since. We're officially dating now. But my boss is mad because I'm dating a coworker.
Fuck that shit. I have an interview to get one of my old jobs back tomorrow. So it's her decision whether I stay or go.

He is probably the sweetest person ive ever dated. = ]
Hes adorable, and he speaks fluent spanish at home which is superrr hot. Hes a senior in high school, which means PROM! 

:D

My date is tomorrow!  He's so adorable and super cute. And his family speaks spanish at home and its super hot. Haha

I haven't been hungry lately.
153.8. 
Dropping slowly but surely.
I don't want this guy to think I'm a cow or anything.

Didn't eat today.

= ]

I have a date this week.
= ]


Fasted for 40 hours.
At a loaf of banana bread yesterday.
Fasting again. 

Hour 19.

Of fasting. How pathetic is that? Its the longest I've gone in a while.
Yesterday I had 4 tacos, potato oles, and a small pbj sandwich. Gross, but still okay.

I've given up on church boy. It woulnt work out anyway. He doesn't like me like that.

A new guy I work with just asked for my number. He's cute and really tall, but kinda looks like my uncle. Haha

Working 8am to 1230 am. Well see if I can manage not to binge.

Someone is cooking turkey.

It smells like thanksgiving and christmas.
I feel like one of those people that wander around on christmas eve, staring in the windows of all the happy families.

Why can't my family be like that? Instead of baking a family meal, we fight over who has to do it.
Insead of saying thank you or I love you, we call each other fatass, cunt, whore.

I was an hour early for work. I don't know how that put me in such a terrible mood, but it did.

Its cold. My mittens are in my other jacket. My nose is running.
I'm worried about kelpie and her really strange post on pt.

What is it about me that blends into the background?
Why am I so obnoxious and loud and fat and unprofessional? I'm a joke.

I worked out today.
158.0.
Haven't eaten. Hopefully it will stay that way.

I don't even know what its like to live in a house anymore. There is so much unneccessary space, I can't even fathom needing one.

So many rooms. For what? What do you need all that space for? I haven't lived in a house for almost 6 years.

I'm just in a really strange mood tonight.

Take care. Xxxx

The wrong shape.

So I put on my halloween costume (an engineer) for a late party I was going to amd I went to show my sister so she could help me find leggings to go with it, and of course, my bitch of a mother was with my sister.

"You aren't seriously wearing that, are you?"
"Okay, skank."
"Your shape is all wrong for that outfit."
"Don't wear that."
"You're to big for that."
"Shouldn't you have gotten a bigger size?"
"Your hips are too big."
"Your ass looks huge."
"Your thighs are oozing out. Its gross."
"Okay, thunder thighs."

And then earlier I was talking about how we should have salads for dinner because my brother was getting pudgy, and my mom said, "well you aren't very skinny either."

Greatttt. My brother is nine and weighs 117. I'm ten years older and at 155 and I'm the fat one? Great to hear mom.

Plus the endless remarks about my fat butt, my huge thighs, my tummy and just in general about how I'm a fatty.
Yeah. That's working great for me.

Binged today. Not weighing myself until Friday.
Working out then going to sleep.

Here's a pic of my costume, minus the huge butt and thunder thighs.

Also I cut my bangs today. My makeup is smudged. Ignore that please.

Come, come, we'll marry the night.

I'm so tired.

zombiesylvie.tumblr.com



Shower, cut, then sleep.

Fruit binge tomorrow and nothing else.