I just feel trapped and stressed and I'm just freaking out about everything.
I'm too fat.
I'm a failure. I'm not going to college and I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life.
I'm working two jobs and both of them want me to quit the other one. In working 40 hours at 850 an hour and hate it, and I'm working 20 - 25 at the other and only making 775 and I hate it a lot less.
I'm fat.
I'm hideous and replusive.
I dont fit in. People don't like me. People don't miss me. I'm boring and too busy and not busy enough.
Its been more than 9 months and I'm still hung up on my ex. I would probably still take him back and just thinking about him makes me feel like shit.
Like I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough or smart enough or good enough. There was a lot of shit wrong in that relationship but there is a lot good about it. And just imagining him with another woman makes me grind my teeth and I have to fight back tears.
Sure, never knowing love sucks. It's agonizing. I remember being there. But then knowing love and having everything good about it, and then losing it? That's so much worse.
Its not like you dont know what you're missing. You don't have that ignorant bliss. You know what you're missing and it sucks.
Also. I can't make cookies. I fail.
I started bruising again. Don't tell nate.
I fail at making cookies too. They always end up really thin and not good. I used a packaged mix once and they came out ok-ish but they didn't taste that good. I blame the oven because my mother fails too.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should look for a completely different job and if you find one that sounds good, quit both? Or just keep working the two jobs until you can afford to do something (like move, go to college, ect.)
I'm not going to college either. Everyone thinks that I should be. I don't know what I would want to go for so I don't see why I should waste my money until I've decided what I want to try to go to college for.
I hope things start going better and you feel less stressed and everything. Just take some time to yourself and relax and don't worry about anything for a while.
I am sure you are none of them things you think about yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'd do the same thing with my ex. I know we would both try again even though we shouldn't. And won't. Ugh.
If you don't know what you want to do right now, it's probably best that you aren't going to college. At least you won't be stuck on a course that you might hate before realising what it is you want to do in the end.
xxx