I sure dont post much anymore do I?

Nothing fun happens to me. Or interesting.

But I need somewhere to organize my thoughts.

I've lost my appetite. Maybe its because I'm getting sick, or maybe its because I'm so goddamn disgusted with myself.

I've gained so much weight that my pants dont fit. The shorts that used to be huge on me fit snugly. my favorite pair of jeans doesn't fit. All that fits me is a pair of sweatpants.

I'm going to start restricting and working our again. Maybe. I think. I have to. I dont want to. I want to.

Its hard when youre in a  relationship you love. When youre in love. I just want to be happy for him.

I have a problem however. Omar wanted to move out. Why? Is it because of me? I'm I annoying? Too clingy? is it the 30 lbs I've gained since we met? does he still want me?

This terrifies me. I'm panicking. Its hard to breathe.

Its not like I would be alone. There are plenty of guys waiting for me to be single again.

theres this guy at work. He's a supervisor. He wants me. every week when I see him after the weekend,  he asks me if I'm still with the guy I'm with. Every week I say yes. He tells me how pretty I am.
He's very nice. He's cute. He's 26. He reminds me a lot of my last boyfriend...  Who I couldn't stand.

I dont understand how anyone wants me. I'm so fat now, I want to go puke. I'm not going to, I made a promise.

But god I want to.

I want to so bad.

Purge until I see blood. Cut every inch of skin I have.

Laters