I know I said I would update, but I havent had time.
Tuesday: Dropped nate off, baked banana bread, slept, went to work, got home, skyped nate, slept.
Weds: Woke up, went to work, napped, went to work, skyped nate, bed.
Thurs. Woke up. Work. Errands. Work. Skype. Bed.
Friday. Wake. Work. Scandal. Work. Phone call. Bed.
Today. Wake. Work. Nap. Work. Blog.
Nate was supposed to come online but he was really tired so I think he fell asleep.
Didnt fast this week like I planned.
Binged tonight.
161.8. KJLFSD
God. I'm so mad at myself. Still down two lbs from last week I guess... Ugh.
Im disgusting.
Repulsive. Dumb stupid whore bitch fatass weak useless lazy fatty.
Nat is back tuesday night.
Tomorrow I work 11-3, then I have to do laundry, packing, cleaning, blah blah blah. Then im drinking with my sister, her friends, and my best friend.
I work 11-3 on my birthday. LAME. But Nate wants to take me out to a nice dinner and such. And im getting a new phone that day too, because its also PAYDAY. Woop woop!
Anyway. Scandal.
So there is this other guy I work with, Clay. We had sex once more than a year ago. He keeps flirting with me and such at work. He'll make little sexual comments and he grabbed my ass once. I never said anything about it to nate because A: This guy is really hot [Im a terrible person, I know, but I want him so bad.] B: because nate would be SUPER pissed and C: because he is a pretty good friend of mine.
That being said, we hung out after work[/before second job]. I didnt tell nate. I told him I was taking a nap. So the whole time he was making little sexual comments [like "I'll bend you over that fence," "get on that counter," "if you want your phone back, you have to take your top off" stuff like that.] and I would just tell him he was being an ass and to knock it off. We were just messing around. Then he started grabbing my ass randomly and my boobs and stuff.
He wanted to show me this giant boulder he found and then he told me to climb it. It was taller than I was. I told him I couldnt. He took my phone out of my back pocket and put it on top of the boulder, so i had to go get it. When I was looking for a place to climb up he pressed me against the rock and started kissing my neck.
That threw me over the edge. You know how that spot is really sensitive and such? Yeah. That turns me on. SO BAD. I honestly considered cheating on nate. And I feel terrible for legitly considering it, but Ive ALWAYS wanted this guy. And I was facing the rock and he was behind me and pressed up against me. Yeah, he was hard. And it was really really hot. I ended up pushing him away and we moved on [we were taking a walk].
Then we were going over this hill and he said something like "If I beat you to the top I'm going to throw you down on the grass." [sexually of course]
So he beat me.
And he did.
He picked me up and set me on the grass and sat on top of me. He was still hard. and he pinned my arms down which i ALSO find really hot. Then he kept trying to kiss me and I kept turning my head away. He pinned my arms next to my head so I couldnt move it at all and kissed me anyway. I wanted to give in so bad. I wanted to forget everything and just kiss back, but I resisted. He gave up and let me up.
Fuck. I still want him. Anyway, I ended up feeling terrible about it, so I called nate and told him. He was pissed, and we agreed that I wouldnt hang out with him outside of work, and I deleted his number.
I feel so stupid. I thought he just wanted to hang out you know? Silly, stupid, naive girl.
Nate is awake. He did fall asleep, but he's up now.
My hands hurt so bad. Theyre all cut up because of work.
I need to stop fucking up.
I need control.
I feel so disorganized and hectic and chaotic and just out of control.
Tuesday: Dropped nate off, baked banana bread, slept, went to work, got home, skyped nate, slept.
Weds: Woke up, went to work, napped, went to work, skyped nate, bed.
Thurs. Woke up. Work. Errands. Work. Skype. Bed.
Friday. Wake. Work. Scandal. Work. Phone call. Bed.
Today. Wake. Work. Nap. Work. Blog.
Nate was supposed to come online but he was really tired so I think he fell asleep.
Didnt fast this week like I planned.
Binged tonight.
161.8. KJLFSD
God. I'm so mad at myself. Still down two lbs from last week I guess... Ugh.
Im disgusting.
Nat is back tuesday night.
Tomorrow I work 11-3, then I have to do laundry, packing, cleaning, blah blah blah. Then im drinking with my sister, her friends, and my best friend.
I work 11-3 on my birthday. LAME. But Nate wants to take me out to a nice dinner and such. And im getting a new phone that day too, because its also PAYDAY. Woop woop!
Anyway. Scandal.
So there is this other guy I work with, Clay. We had sex once more than a year ago. He keeps flirting with me and such at work. He'll make little sexual comments and he grabbed my ass once. I never said anything about it to nate because A: This guy is really hot [Im a terrible person, I know, but I want him so bad.] B: because nate would be SUPER pissed and C: because he is a pretty good friend of mine.
That being said, we hung out after work[/before second job]. I didnt tell nate. I told him I was taking a nap. So the whole time he was making little sexual comments [like "I'll bend you over that fence," "get on that counter," "if you want your phone back, you have to take your top off" stuff like that.] and I would just tell him he was being an ass and to knock it off. We were just messing around. Then he started grabbing my ass randomly and my boobs and stuff.
He wanted to show me this giant boulder he found and then he told me to climb it. It was taller than I was. I told him I couldnt. He took my phone out of my back pocket and put it on top of the boulder, so i had to go get it. When I was looking for a place to climb up he pressed me against the rock and started kissing my neck.
That threw me over the edge. You know how that spot is really sensitive and such? Yeah. That turns me on. SO BAD. I honestly considered cheating on nate. And I feel terrible for legitly considering it, but Ive ALWAYS wanted this guy. And I was facing the rock and he was behind me and pressed up against me. Yeah, he was hard. And it was really really hot. I ended up pushing him away and we moved on [we were taking a walk].
Then we were going over this hill and he said something like "If I beat you to the top I'm going to throw you down on the grass." [sexually of course]
So he beat me.
And he did.
He picked me up and set me on the grass and sat on top of me. He was still hard. and he pinned my arms down which i ALSO find really hot. Then he kept trying to kiss me and I kept turning my head away. He pinned my arms next to my head so I couldnt move it at all and kissed me anyway. I wanted to give in so bad. I wanted to forget everything and just kiss back, but I resisted. He gave up and let me up.
Fuck. I still want him. Anyway, I ended up feeling terrible about it, so I called nate and told him. He was pissed, and we agreed that I wouldnt hang out with him outside of work, and I deleted his number.
I feel so stupid. I thought he just wanted to hang out you know? Silly, stupid, naive girl.
Nate is awake. He did fall asleep, but he's up now.
My hands hurt so bad. Theyre all cut up because of work.
I need to stop fucking up.
I need control.
I feel so disorganized and hectic and chaotic and just out of control.
Wow. These lines are really..uhm "romantic" ? Haha :D
ReplyDeleteAnyway it's great that you said no to that guy! Cuz honestly.. You would probably lose Nate if you'd had something with that guy.. And for what? For one night of sex? I know it's easy to say,than done,but just try to stay away from him,and do't get tempted by him,cause maybe he won't give up so easily next time.