Were quite the strange couple.

He has eating issues too. Which is insane because he's sooooo perfect. (I'm not perfect at all!) (Oh btw. This is her boyfriend, she doesn't even knpw that I lnow she has this)

I purged two days ago. He was sooo mad. (I was pissed because she told PROMISED me she wasn't going to anymore)
But what sent me over the edge was that he worked out for three hours because he thinks he fat. (I am pretty fat)

But he's soooo perfect, so what does that make me?(hmmm I believe that makes you soo perfect and sooooo gorgeous)

We.flushed both of our diet pills that night.

I've had 650 cals today. (Grrrr. Only??! You can't be mad at me for working out so much if you're only going to starve yourself)
I want to be 135 by prom. (And I want superpowers)

(Don't tell her I was her please)
Oh and Sylvia, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! YOU'RE SO PERFECT AND GORGEOUS!!!!!<33333

I feel sooo nauseous!

I started taking diet pills again.
I mixed different kinds right away.
And I took the max dose right away.

I feel like I'm gonna puke.
Blarg

Im going to work myself to death.

My boyfriend is trying to make me fat.
Its workingggg. I haven't weighed myself in a while.

I should have purged yesterday.

My bf also knows about my eating issues, and he follows my tumblr. Hah.
I'm glad he doesn't freak out about it.

My hair is getting sooo long!

That's good. All the pretty girls have long hair.

Purged yesterday for the first time in like two months.

This morning I woke up, ate a bowl of cereal, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and two pieces of toast with raspberry jelly.

I went back to sleep and when I woke up, I was superrr shaky. I've felt really weak and lightheaded all day at work so far. I'm not sure if its because of the purge?

Just had a salad, estimated 150 cals.
Smoothie, half water, estimated 200.

Blarg.

Same blog post as usual.
Still fat.
Empty promises to fix it.

Who am I kidding?

I'm a fake.
Throw rocks at me.

New year

New goals.
What are mine? Fuck if I know.

Fasting today. At 21 hours so far. Work tonight will be the hard part. Diet pills? Sureeeeee

A lady came into panera yesterday and ordered a latte with half skim milk, half water. She said it tasted the same, but half the calories.

Last time I weighed myself it was 161. I haven't eaten since.

Its weird thinking back to where you were one year ago.
Thats one year of heartbreakig misery, one year of veganism, one year trying to build back relationships,  one year of pushing boundries you didn't know you could.

One year of carelessness, one year of caution. One year of fear.

Suicidal moments, longest fasts, more fasts than ever before. Relationships, casual sex, drama, drinking,  drugs, self harm, purge purge purge, a new low weight.

But even after all that, I still weigh the same as I did last year.

Stress

Work is ridiculous.
I've been written up twice in the last week. One write up was because I forgot my tie.
Once.

My hours were cut severely. I worked yesterday (Monday) and now I don't work until Sunday.

Bree, the manager a step below me, wants my job. She thinks its my fault she isn't getting paid as much as me, but its really just because she sucks.

So I put in my two weeks notice. I'm sick of the constant power stuggle and being pushed around.
And my boss KNOWS I need my hours.

So I picked up more hours at my other job.
Now my boss called me and she wants me to come in and meet with her on Friday about my two weeks notice. Blarg.

My dad Is probably going to jail. His court date is on the 30th.
If he does go to jail, I'm going to have to move in with my younger brother and sister and support them. Being an adult sucks.

Christmas

Ate lots of fruit.
Spent wayyyy too much time with my family.
My brother is a spoiled little bitch.

Its sad how almost everywhere I go, I'm the fattest person there, but with my family I'm the smallest.

Working all day tomorrow.

I haven't slept much lately.

I don't understand what im not seeing

He tells me I'm beautiful, perfect, out of his league.

I don't understand. Its the other way around.

My dad has a court date on the 30th. He might be going to jail.
If he does, that means I'm going to have to move in with my younger sister and 9 year old brother. Good thing I have a second job.

My car is breaking down. One more bill to pay.

Its hard to keep my head above water, hard to keep swimming when I don't know how.

I have a lot going on right now.

Happy holidays.

Past 160.

Revolting.

He deserves me to be better than this.

Gotta bring on my A game. 150 by christmas? Doable.

December.

I took the job at Panera.
The bf and I are doing great.

i'm getting super fat. I havent weighed myself in about a week. I'm terrified.

I hope I get my period in a few days. That would be nice.

I tried donating blood today, but my hemoglobin was too low. So I ate a ton of food for nothing.


Need to get back on track.

Also. My boyfriend, Omar, likes playing with my fat more than my boobs.
FML.